"I'm sure there are some people who are cursing me anyway."

Referring to the previous post, how right I was about some people cursing me.

Yesterday, we had our chinese mock exam make-up and we were supposed to do the exam in exam conditions. But I guess it was not to be. Lee went to buy us food and drinks during the exam and when he left the room, we started talking. He left the room a couple of times, and we did the same thing every time. We didn't finish the exam in the time limit, as we wasted time on eating and drinking the stuff he bought. But he gave us extra time anyway. I am very confident that I will fail the paper. But truthfully, I don't really care. I don't have the motivation to study or do anything related to studies, because I am still dedicated to CO. I would rather spend my time practising then studying, despite the coming exams.

I treat the CO room as my second home. Before classes, I go there. After classes, I go there again. Whenever I'm bored at home, I feel like going there. The instruments are always there for me to play. Or maybe that's what I miss. The timpani. The paigu. The xylophone. And not the room. I wish I had all of those. And a place to play those without anybody complaining that it's too noisy. I want to practise. I haven't been practising for more than 1 year. It's time I started. A pity I can't. Unless you consider teaching a form of practising. I want new scores so that I can master them. Master them by practising. I couldn't even master cai long chuan. It's evident from the recording of the SYF.

I wanna practise practise practise. Practise the xylophone. Master The Flight of the Bumblebee on xylophone. Keyword: Master. That's the thing about percussion. Anybody can play it. But very few people can play it well. I am one of those who can't play for nuts. I've been too pro arrogant. I don't blame myself. This is normal, I tell myself. Anybody who is surrounded by 6 sucky and spastic juniors will think that he is very good. Yes, he is good, compared to his juniors. But in actual truth, he really sucks. My mind always tell me that I suck. But my heart tells me that I am pro. I desperately need someone to keep me in place. Someone who is pro-er than me. And who plays percussion, not some other instrument. Maybe patience is all I need. Next year I should be meeting that someone. But I can't wait that long. I have to find that someone right here right now. For the past year, I've learnt nothing. Repeat, nothing. There was nobody to teach me new things. Maybe the past few days I did learn some new things from some pro person, but that was only, as I've said, some. I want more. I want to improve myself. I want to be pro-ER. There I go again, thinking that I'm some pro kia. Let me rephrase that sentence. I want to be less sucky. I want someone.

Ok, maybe I've strayed too far off already. I'm just too eccentric. Eccentricities in my mind lead to spontaneity. Maybe that's what I like about myself. Eccentric. Spontaneous. Maybe that's what a true percussionist needs. Eccentricity would mean flair. What a good percussionist needs is flair. And that's what my juniors don't have. And that's what I hate.

Definition of "eccentric": Departing from a recognized, conventional, or established norm or pattern.

Defintion of "spontaneous": Unconstrained and unstudied in manner or behaviour.

Definition of "flair": Distinctive and stylish elegance.

I like unpredictability. I want unpredictability. My juniors are too predictable. Maybe they are guys, that's why. Girls, on the other hand, are mostly unpredictable. Which in a way I kinda like.

There I go again. Strayed off the path again. Oh well, maybe this post is destined to be of thoughts and not stuff that happened. *Someone* had advised me to do this before. But at that time I just couldn't force it out. But this time it has happened on impulse.

*Knocks myself in the head*

So anyway, we played soccer after the exam and I only scored 1 miserly goal. Yippee. By then I was I was already sneezing like nobody's business. Someone must be cursing me. Maybe those people whom I cursed have cursed me back. Adding to that the one person who have been enjoying tormenting me.

I better stop now before any eccentricities bring me back to random thoughts again. All this may seem like rubbish, but that's what my mind is about: Rubbish. I've been trying to hide my eccentricities for a very long time. But it seems I can't cover it anymore. I hate it. But I also love it.

I am weird.
I am crazy.
I am strange.
I am eccentric. =)