No "quote" today either. And for a reason.

Today is a sad day. A bad day. A lousy day. A dysphoric day. Or make it yesterday.

Nothing to do with chinese, though.

Some pple are just busy. Busy to the max, entertaining fictitious hunks which I'm doubtful of and multi-tasking other stuff...

Girls, go entertain your hunks.

Guys, go entertain your babes.

Gays, go to hell.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friends...

What are they for? My thinking of friends is practically the same as that of Squall Leonhart in Final Fantasy 8. And that's probably why I dun have much friends. I mean like, the only pple who can hurt you deeply are the ones whom you care about. Quote me if you like, becos this shows that you can only get hurt from your true friends. So the question is, why invest your feelings into friendships or relationships when you know you are gonna get hurt? I dun regret it though, that I have little friends, as it also means I dun get hurt so much. I dun mind having more friends too, and I think it's becos of this mindset that I get hurt from friendships so much. I dun think that particular person will see this, but I dun really care. Becos my surroundings have brought me up such that I am anti-social, dun-give-a-damn type and whatever not. It's hard to be my friend, but once the ball is rolling, everything is downhill. Becos during that time when you are trying to be my friend, I'm sub-consciously considering the magnitude of how hurt I will be and how happy I will be when I become a friend. Of course I will be hurt, but it's whether the happiness I gain will outweigh the hurt I get. But sometimes, just sometimes, I take a risk. And end up getting hurt. I have no idea why I do that, but maybe I'm just hoping for that special something to occur. I'm cold and aloof, and that's how I protect myself from potential pple who can hurt me. Sometimes I open up to certain pple, becos they have that special *something*, but when they hurt me, I'm at a loss of what to do.

Everybody is busy. But I'm not. There's not even time for friends. For me, if you treat me as a friend, that is. That's when the hurt bites into the skin. Dao. The perfect word. I used to think that I always dao pple, but that's no longer true, becos the tables have turned. When I dao pple, at least I'm still aware of what they are saying or doing. But those pple, they talk to me, but their minds are not with me. It's how they say the words, not what they say. It's just like talking to a guy watching tv. Busy, you say? Yeah, expected that. And of course, what's plural can also mean singular. =)

Definition of "attention": The application of the mind to any object of sense or thought.

Not that I crave attention, but a little attention wun hurt rite? That's when you invest your feelings into the friendship which may or may not turn into a relationship.

What are friends for? YOU wouldn't be able to answer that, I'm sure. Not that you will see this, but just think it through. Just think it through, you chyng.

Ciao for now.

Sorry, there's no "quote" today... becos if I could, I would put something chinese, and for some reason, the chinese characters appear as boxes or something? Oh well, I never did liked chinese anyway... And too much of it is bad for your health...

Tomorrow is the 'O's!!! Ooh-la-la~.... I have been studying too much of chinese... My mind is full of chinese rubbish... and I hate it. Dammit. I hope I bloody get my A1 sia... haha... But that's practically out of the question... I've NEVER gotten an A1 for chinese before in my entire life in secondary school... haha... I can predict that I will get B3... that is like not bad liao... but maybe I can juuusst scrap an A2... haha... of course I'm not ruling out an A1... hehe...

Somebody sent me this link or something... and I think it's pretty shitty... I have no idea what that means btw... haha... it's just one of those things that you got nothing better to do... it's some love prediction shit... BUT. Dun go there... Ok, maybe you can just click on the link or whatever... but dun fill up the thing! Even if you have nothing better to do, doing nothing is better than that! There's nothing bad there... so dun fret, you can fill up the thingy without any worries. It's truthful and unreliable, precise and deceitful. Sooooo.... DUN click the link, DUN fill up the thingy and DUN not avoid not clicking the link...

Enjoy!! ----> Dun click me! <----

Ahh... back to chinese... or maybe I should do something else... Ciao for now.

"Can't you see him? He's just there!! They're gonna capture me!! Those Russians!!"

Hah. John Nash. A Beautiful Mind. Who watched that? Well, I guess no one. Anyway, it's about a great mathematician who made great discoveries about whatever-not and whatever-is. BUT. He has a sickness called... (surprise surprise!!) SCHITZOPHRENIA!! Haha... Somehow the future always reiterates my personal reflections... Like the other time when I said that we percussionist should be spontaneous and all that, my drum teacher said the exact same thing... Well, anyway, I dun think I will be doing any reflections (or thinking, for that matter) for now, so I'll just talk about what happened today.

Chinese intensive classes!! Hoo-whee!! For everyday that Wilson and I have the class, we would find something to entertain ourselves... And today we certainly found entertainment... Wow, we even took pictures of our creation!! But too bad I can't transfer files from my handphone to my com... Sooo... Ok, chinese lesson IS cocked up... So let's skip to my oral today... Prelims oral, that is.

I was the second guy of the pack... The first guy (before me), only in the registering room, was already starting to cry... Haha... And I was like... Ok, let's not talk about me... I wasn't crying if that's what you are interested in... 1st thing, the passage... Not bad... Had several conversations in the passage, which I was good at... And pple always ask me how i'm good at that? Well, easy. For us guys, just act gay and talk like some, well, gay... Ok, maybe not gay but... Ok, girl... But guy act like girl isn't that gay? Anyway, yar so just act like some overly-expressive retard and you'll do well. Ok, blah-blahs aside... Picture description... Not bad for me... I actually talked quite a lot... But not enough I guessed... The teacher prompted me 2 questions... Conversation... Bleahx... She asked me to talk about one time when I had to do research on something... And becos I've never really did some significant research in my life (not that i can rmb) and so I paused for like 1 minute thinking of some cock story to tell her...

Mr Liar: Ya, there was once when in pri sch when we had to collect 20 tadpoles and we measured their lengths and...
Teacher: Uh-huh...

Ok, forget it... I dun feel like saying liao... Lol... I think you can roughly guess where this is heading... Soooo... Either you see my msn nick or you go guess yourself or you do dunno-what to yourself and guess or you can just get lost upon seeing the next word that starts with a "C" and ends with an "o". Ciao.

Lex Luther: I'm sorry, but it's just that sometimes the dark side of me takes control over me...
Clark Kent: Yeah, everybody has their dark sides...
Lex Luther: Yes, just that I can feel mine creeping over the corners... Friendship helps to keep that at bay, and that's why I want to be your friend.


I think I feel the same way... I dunno what my dark side is, and neither do I want to know, but I know it exists.

Sometimes I think that I have (adapted from "Me, Myself and Irene") Advanced Delusional Schitzophrenia with Involuntary Narcissistic Rage. I mean like, sometimes I can be 1 person and another the next minute... Maybe this has got to do with the dark-side thingy... It's like when I'm out and about with friends, I can be oh-so happy and whatever not... BUT, when it comes to me being alone... Hoho... Maybe the phrase "Friendship helps to keep that at bay" is true... It's like, every time I'm alone, I will think about the past, think about the future or just think. They always say "Dun think so much la"... And my reply to that is: I got no friends what... Dun think then what? No friends no friends... I can just feel my dark sides creeping over me... Haha... Oh wells... I know some people read this and think that my life is *seemingly* screwed. But that's just becos I'm alone when I'm typing all this... And when I'm alone...... Things happen. So if you think my life is screwed, it means that you are not a friend of mine (or not close enough) cos if you are my friend and you are there with me (or for me), you will never see this side of me.

Anyway, since I got nothing else to say, I might as well talk about the RJCO concert yesterday... First, it was raining... puddles of water everywhere... seemed quite dangerous... (i'll tok abt this later...) Second, the 10-minute walk to RJC was filled with water puddles (oops! again!) Ok, I dun think the puddles were that dangerous... It was the pathway... Whatever... Enough rubbish talk...

First song: Chun1 (Full Orchestra). Not really MY kind of song... It was really...... peaceful. Wasn't loud or energetic... Little emphasis on percussion... Timpanist was a little bit weird? Hmm...

Second song: Taiwan Zhui1 Xiang3 Qu3 (Full Orchestra). Quite ok I guess... None of the "blasting" that I like... Previously playing timpani guy played paigu... Then I noticed something weird about the paigu... Yes, that guy may have crossed his hands to play and all that, but I still noticed that the paigu had a reversed arrangement? Or is it just me? For them it was like, the biggest drum on the left and smallest on the right, exactly like the timpani... But shouldn't it be the other way round? Biggest one on the right and smallest on the left?

Third song: Hungarian Dance No.5 (Sheng Ensemble). Catchy. Quite comical also... The speed at which the diyin sheng was playing... Haha... Could even hear the "tak-tak-tak" of the guy pressing of the buttons... Lol...

Fourth song: Jiang1 Nan2 Chun1 Se4 (Erhu Solo + Yangqin Accompaniment). Cool. Lol. Guy in front of me kept taking pictures of the erhu soloist (who happened to be a girl and wearing a very cool costume... *snicker*) Ask around to know more...

Fifth song: Yi4 Xiang3 Tian1 Kai1 (Zhongruan Ensemble). Not bad too. Like some guitar ensemble. Wait a minute, it is!!

Sixth song: Da4 Li3 Qing3 Feng1 (Tanbo Ensemble). Finally something that involves percussion after 3 songs. Quite ok. Xylophonist was left-handed and was practically playing in darkness cos there was no light at the edge of the stage.

-15 minutes break between "the end of the first half of the concert and the beginning of the second half of the concert".-

Seventh song: Cao3 Yuan2 Mu4 Ge1 (Guzheng Trio). Hmm... As usual I dun really like guzheng and all that... can go to sleep liao... yawn...

Eighth song: Chang2 Hen4 Mian2 Mian2 (Zhu Di Concerto). Basically it's one guy playing 2 dizi... one bangdi and one qudi... I think it's my favourite song of the evening... Damn nice... Although not the blasting kind, it's still very nice...

Last song: Da Mo Sui Xiang and Mo Li Hua. Again, Luo Wei Lun's composition... Sian bo? Quite good la... Mo Li Hua was good also... The only thing was that percussion played a small part... So... ya, anyway, concert ended, thankfully it stopped raining outside... But the bad thing was the pathway was slippery... I must have slipped like at least 5 times... Oh well, who asked us me to wear flat-soled shoes... I may have slipped a couple of times, but LUCKILY I didn't actually fall... Whew! Anyway, on the trek back to the mrt station, the pretty pretty pretty girl in front of me (wearing pink canvas shoes) suddenly slipped, screamed and fell. I think it's in that order. Hah! Who asked her to wear flat-soled shoes... Then she and her friends started laughing... My god... Screaming and falling on your butt and you still can laugh like it's some slapstick comedy... Lol... Scary!

Oh wells. That's about all I've got to say. If I've missed out anything, it's not becos I've forgotten, but it's becos I dun want to say it. Ciao.

"We learn 10% of what we read, 10% of what we hear, 15% of what we see, and finally, we learn the most when we teach."

"Ok, we will need someone who is willing to take out his shirt AND apply this strawberry jam onto his armpits! So, who wants to volunteer? Nobody? Aww, come on! Yes! You! How about you? Just come up and enjoy the fun! Yay! We have a volunteer! So, what's your name?"

"Err... My name is Sara."

Haha. Surprising ei. I was surprised too when I heard that. Oh yea, forgot to say, that was on Friday at PS. There was Jamie Yeo, some guy called Justin and some other new guy. Deejays, supposedly, from 98.7 FM. I have no idea what they were doing there, but anyway, I was sitting outside the McDonalds eating my savoury tempura chicken burger, listening to the serene tranquil (somehow i dun like the word 'serene'... lol) sounds of rushing water behind me and splashing of water when it reached the bottom (go there and find out what i'm toking abt). Ahh, so peaceful, except for the fact that in FRONT of me, there were sounds of people lighting their cigarettes, moving the chairs, chatting away as if they had a hummingbird's wings for their tongues. AND also, a gang was picking a fight with 2 guys. Hai... Those stoopid assholic gang members... I still remember 1 guy (from the gang) just standing up and walking to the 2 guys... Wah, must act like so bastard and assholic and pai kia... Stoopid... Cheh! Like I dunno how to walk like that... I used to walk like them before... Yup, and I had to change. Changed the way my hands swayed, my pacing, my posture and all that. Yeah it made a difference. But anyways, who wants to dwell on the past? Not me. At least I try not to. However much I try.

My philosophy in life is "Have no regrets in whatever I do or do not do". Yup, so I'm usually happy with my life, becos I have no regrets. BUT, I actually regret 1 thing. It is that I never make an impact on anybody around me. I dunno whether it's becos I am unpopular or I suck or what. IMPACT. What a big word. I do stuff that I do... but no impact is made. Maybe I'm not the influential type or something. I sometimes wish that I can make an impact on people. But I just can't. Is it something that I have to try to be able to achieve it? I hope not. Becos this kind of thing occurs naturally. Or I could be wrong. Then maybe I'm not that kind of person.

Definition of "impact": The power of making a strong, immediate impression.

And all I want is just to be able to make an impact on people...

Anyways, that aside, Friday was the 2.4km run... My shoes were in no condition to run so I did what I had to do... I exchanged shoes with Ying Kai... (yeah, and for those of you who thought i was a freak when i wore my left shoe and ying kai's right shoe -- and him wearing vice versa -- during the rgs exchange, SCREW YOU!!) Yeah that's the advantage of having small feet: I can wear anybody's shoes, the main thing is how loose the shoes are. And for those of you who dun know, I have small feet and small hands (ok, relatively small), but so what? They are quick. I've got quick feet and quick hands, and I'm proud of that. ANYWAY, I ran the bloody 2.4km and puked on the grass after giving the teacher the chip with my position on it. Hmm, I dunno whether some kena-ed his shoes or not... Haha... His shoes were not comfortable also, at least not comfortable for running... So I ran, puked my gastric juices out, and got...... 13.01... Stupid... 1 second faster I would have gotten a 'D'... so now I'm an 'E'... Bloody hell... With a timing like 13.01, my god, it was an 'A' for females... Nuff said.

And sorry if I have too many of those definition thingies around... 1, those words are significant. And 2, I'm trying to improve my English. Ciao.

Haiz. I know for a fact that nobody has read my previous post, but I dun care anyway =p

This point in my life is extremely low. But not the lowest; I've had worse. Anyways, I come home everyday, switch on the computer and do practically nothing. No homework, you ask? Yes, no homework. Becos of the simple fact that now is the exam week. But, for us Sec 4's, we are having our mock exams for sciences, which we dun really mug or cram or whatever. Reason? Becos it's mock. Mock = Doesn't count for anything. Yes, it is a test to show how much we know, but we just study, not mug. Or in my case, cram just before the exam starts. Quite effective though, since I have short term memory, and that I can understand most of the rubbish. So I am slacking, everybody else is mugging. Result? No one to talk to; and those whom I talk to dao like free, so there's no difference with the former.

I'm bored. I want new stuff. Not only for myself, but also for vsco. I want new instruments. I want a new percussion instructor (do we have an old one?). Actually it kinda makes me wonder why I want a percussion teacher, since by doing so I'll be jobless. But oh wells. Allows me time to pursue other things in life. We have money now (dun we?), so I want that all before I leave. Especially the new instruments. No instructor, never mind, I can keep my job, but no new instruments, MIND. Oh wells, I think I'm the only person chasing this lost cause, so it doesn't really have a big impact anyway. So, the big question is, who cares? I never make an impact on anyone. Never did, never do and never will. Unless, of course, a lucky break comes my way. Whatever that means I have no idea. So what am I living for? Passion? Romance? Love? Friendship? Or do I live for the future, hoping that I will find all these? Passion and friendship are all I have. My life is based on these two aspects only. Shaky foundation it is, ready to topple any time. Passion really accounts for a large part of my life. Without it, I would be as boring as the ah-pek who sits at Eunos MRT station digging his nose and reading his newspapers everyday. Or even the uncle who sells school pants in the school canteen staring at exciting people walking past him. Passion, as I always say, pushes me forward. It is this passion that nudges me everytime I stumble or take a fall. Passion, is certainly worth pursuing, at least for me it is, becos I'd be nothing without it. I'd be a lifeless creature, almost close to what I am now, dreaming in la-la land and foaming at the mouth. Thank goodness I haven't reached that stage. And I never will, thanks to something called passion.

Definition of "passion": Boundless enthusiasm.

Couldn't have explained it better. =)

So, I've just wasted my time crapping about what can be explained in 2 words. 2 simple, but powerful words. Well, at least I managed to kill some time. =)

Bored, my life is. Bored, but *not* screwed. Dun treat me as if my life is screwed.

Becos it's not.

"Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started kissing and hugging herI figured 'Sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on itand he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out.Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway.He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly,the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats --they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet. "

Got that from Zi Xuan's blog. So it's not my credit, it's his. Haha. Oh wells. If you dun feel horny after reading that, I dunno what will. Haha. Juz joking.

Oh wells. Got back our chinese paper today. I think it's some SA or mid-year or whatever, I actually dun really care. Oh ya, also got back our oral and listening compre results. Pathetic results, man. Chinese sux shit. Got 20/30 for oral and 14/20 for listening. Sux. Then came the paper 2. Our class is pathetic, to say the least. The highest score was 52/80, which was just nice a B3. And THAT'S the highest. My god. The rest were either B4 or lower. Wah man, and I was aiming for an A2!! With luck, of course. But too bad, no luck. Or another way of saying, not enough luck.

Was considering going to VJCO concert or RJCO concert, since they two clash on 20th May. then was discussing with clayton. Wait, why is he even in the picture. Ok, anyway, then I realised that I had totally forgotten about my drum lesson!! Lol. Seems like I can go to neither. Haha. I guess I will be at PS while everybody is falling asleep in the concert hall. Lol. Juz joking.

Whew, I dunno what else to write, man. So I guess there's no better time to end off than now. Ciao.

Aries
March 21 - April 20
You're in the mood to socialise. Take a look around and maybe set off for a short ride. If you're single, you may also be introduced to someone new and delightfully chatty by a sibling or neighbour.

Taurus
April 21 - May 21
The new person you've created needs some new clothes, and you're entirely ready to make that person happy. It's you, of course -- the new you -- and it's time to do some shopping.

Gemini
May 22 - June 21
Your emotions will be quite obvious now, all of them. You'll definitely be raising some eyebrows over the next couple of days. But then, when has a little thing like that ever bothered you?

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
There's only one other person in the world who knows why you've been grinning lately, and you'd prefer to keep it that way. Offer a bribe if you need to. Timing is everything.

Leo
July 23 - August 22
The next 24 hours will be action-packed, to say the least. You can count on a friend to pull off some amazing stunts, some of which will leave you speechless. Yes, you. Yes, speechless.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sept 22
You're still feeling exhilarated and enthusiastic, and quite ready to do what it takes to accomplish something you've wanted to do for a very long time. Don't lose that feeling. Stage One was recognising your dream. Put Stage Two into operation now.

Libra
Sept 23 - Oct 23
The lure of far-off places has gotten to you. It might have been one too many tough days lately, or that phone call from someone you've been missing. Either way, how about giving in and going somewhere?

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
If anyone is familiar with intimacy, it's you -- in all its faces. At the moment, you're after the intellectual kind, and anyone who tries to snow you had better be ready to think again.

Sagittarius
Nov 21 - Dec 20
Finally, you've been given a heavenly reprieve. The universe has pencilled some free time into your schedule, and you'd be well advised to make the most of it while it's available. Give that certain someone a call.

Capricorn
Dec 21 - Jan 20
Talk about multi-tasking. You've always been nothing if not amazingly gifted when it comes to juggling duties, but you'll be even more adept now. If you have time to stop for a split second, you might even see a crowd forming.

Aquarius (*ahem*)
Jan 21 - Feb 19
You're in the mood for love -- real, romantic love -- and you won't be able to concentrate on anything else for days. No, this isn't at all like you, and yes, your friends will be stunned. Too bad.

Pisces
Feb 20 - March 20
Pressing family responsibilities will keep you away from your sweetheart, and from anything that even remotely resembles fun. Of course, no one said you have to spend every single walking moment being responsible. Don't you have time for coffee?


I guess the more significant one is the "in the mood for love", ei? Lol. Hmm... Food for thought.

Oh well. Physics Paper 2 today. I managed to finish the paper *surprisingly*. I could sort of do almost every question in the paper and not leaving them blank. And they said it was an easy paper. Maybe it was. Considering that I could actually finish the paper when I would usually leave out several questions.

Sigh. Bored to death. Finished writing down the notes for Fei Tian for the kuai4 ban3. Spent like 5 hours doing it (which also means that I wasn't studying at all). Loved every minute of it. Now, I've got nothing to do. Sigh.

Went to co room (like any other day). Decided to just play the paigu for fun. I can't believe I actually got better! I didn't hit the sides so much and all the blah blah. I tried playing all the paigu solo parts and it was still ok!! *Surprisingly* Man, what I would give to get some new scores. I want some cool songs. I really hope wu lao shi has prepared some cool songs for us. If not then I will just stop going for co =p . I want a yun luo, too. And also the xylophone which is trapezium-shaped and you use those wooden spoon-shaped mallets to hit. Wow, so cool. Everything is so cool in my dreams.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sigh. I want new shoes.

"Wah, you know, ****** really screwed him up sia!!!"

Ya, you are screwed. My impression of you hasn't changed, but others have. My, what girls can do to guys. Especially *certain* guys. Who am I to say anyway. I am just a nobody. A nobody that everybody loves to hate and hates to love. The only person whom I don't hate and loves me is myself. How self-centred.

Haha. Guess what. My drum teacher said that we should be spontaneous. How right. It seems that practically almost everything I mention gets mentioned *again* by a professional. Haha. I once scolded my juniors for doing something wrong (that was before the SYF) and when the percussion teacher came, he said the exact same thing. Haha. I guess I really am turning into an unpaid percussion instructor of VSCO.

Pooi. Had the chinese exam today. Mugged so much for just 5 words worth 10 marks. In the end, only got 3 out 5 words correct, after mugging so hard and long. What's the use, man? Compo sux too. Practically everybody I know wrote the bao4 zhang1 bao4 dao3, but I wrote the ji4 xu4 wen2. When there was 15 minutes left on the clock, I still had not reached the climax yet. Great. I know this may NEVER happen to some people. But just a gentle reminder, I suck. Pooi. Sis and Mum is home. Can't type much. Ciao.

"Mid-year or prelim? Huh huh? Woo hoo!!"

haiz... damn sian... tmr is chinese paper liao... think i'm going to fail... everybody mugging... and what am i doing? haiz... so long never hold my drumstick liao... or make that my timpani stick... every free time i have all either chiong-ing hw or doing something else... anything BUT practise... sigh... i really suck man... and dun ever say my english is good man... cos it sucks... see the way i'm writing now? yar so different from the last post eh... shows that i'm erratic and lousy... bleahx... whatever... go take nap liao... forget about studying liao la... study also fail, dun study also fail... might as well dun study... pui...

"I'm sure there are some people who are cursing me anyway."

Referring to the previous post, how right I was about some people cursing me.

Yesterday, we had our chinese mock exam make-up and we were supposed to do the exam in exam conditions. But I guess it was not to be. Lee went to buy us food and drinks during the exam and when he left the room, we started talking. He left the room a couple of times, and we did the same thing every time. We didn't finish the exam in the time limit, as we wasted time on eating and drinking the stuff he bought. But he gave us extra time anyway. I am very confident that I will fail the paper. But truthfully, I don't really care. I don't have the motivation to study or do anything related to studies, because I am still dedicated to CO. I would rather spend my time practising then studying, despite the coming exams.

I treat the CO room as my second home. Before classes, I go there. After classes, I go there again. Whenever I'm bored at home, I feel like going there. The instruments are always there for me to play. Or maybe that's what I miss. The timpani. The paigu. The xylophone. And not the room. I wish I had all of those. And a place to play those without anybody complaining that it's too noisy. I want to practise. I haven't been practising for more than 1 year. It's time I started. A pity I can't. Unless you consider teaching a form of practising. I want new scores so that I can master them. Master them by practising. I couldn't even master cai long chuan. It's evident from the recording of the SYF.

I wanna practise practise practise. Practise the xylophone. Master The Flight of the Bumblebee on xylophone. Keyword: Master. That's the thing about percussion. Anybody can play it. But very few people can play it well. I am one of those who can't play for nuts. I've been too pro arrogant. I don't blame myself. This is normal, I tell myself. Anybody who is surrounded by 6 sucky and spastic juniors will think that he is very good. Yes, he is good, compared to his juniors. But in actual truth, he really sucks. My mind always tell me that I suck. But my heart tells me that I am pro. I desperately need someone to keep me in place. Someone who is pro-er than me. And who plays percussion, not some other instrument. Maybe patience is all I need. Next year I should be meeting that someone. But I can't wait that long. I have to find that someone right here right now. For the past year, I've learnt nothing. Repeat, nothing. There was nobody to teach me new things. Maybe the past few days I did learn some new things from some pro person, but that was only, as I've said, some. I want more. I want to improve myself. I want to be pro-ER. There I go again, thinking that I'm some pro kia. Let me rephrase that sentence. I want to be less sucky. I want someone.

Ok, maybe I've strayed too far off already. I'm just too eccentric. Eccentricities in my mind lead to spontaneity. Maybe that's what I like about myself. Eccentric. Spontaneous. Maybe that's what a true percussionist needs. Eccentricity would mean flair. What a good percussionist needs is flair. And that's what my juniors don't have. And that's what I hate.

Definition of "eccentric": Departing from a recognized, conventional, or established norm or pattern.

Defintion of "spontaneous": Unconstrained and unstudied in manner or behaviour.

Definition of "flair": Distinctive and stylish elegance.

I like unpredictability. I want unpredictability. My juniors are too predictable. Maybe they are guys, that's why. Girls, on the other hand, are mostly unpredictable. Which in a way I kinda like.

There I go again. Strayed off the path again. Oh well, maybe this post is destined to be of thoughts and not stuff that happened. *Someone* had advised me to do this before. But at that time I just couldn't force it out. But this time it has happened on impulse.

*Knocks myself in the head*

So anyway, we played soccer after the exam and I only scored 1 miserly goal. Yippee. By then I was I was already sneezing like nobody's business. Someone must be cursing me. Maybe those people whom I cursed have cursed me back. Adding to that the one person who have been enjoying tormenting me.

I better stop now before any eccentricities bring me back to random thoughts again. All this may seem like rubbish, but that's what my mind is about: Rubbish. I've been trying to hide my eccentricities for a very long time. But it seems I can't cover it anymore. I hate it. But I also love it.

I am weird.
I am crazy.
I am strange.
I am eccentric. =)